Hard parenting

Why is it that teenagers work so hard to ground/get themselves in trouble? I have not though of my self as a super hard parent, HSSH "lays down the law" usually I can reason with him and lessen the discipline. But the older the 3 teens get the more they tie my hands. HSSH goes off to work and I am left with the angry teen they growl at me then I am left with no choice but to follow through with his discipline. When HSSH gets home the kids have forgotten he was the one to start the discipline and I am still the bad parent . The other thing I run into is that they call while I am gone and leave a message I am at so and so's house pick me up at___. The house rule is I have to know your plans before you leave for school. What do they expect a party?